When your child is bright and quirky, should we be working to accept them as they are? Should we be working to change them or help them develop new skills? Dr. Scott Barry Kaufman, 2e expert and humanistic psychologist, has an interesting take on this potentially thorny question.

 

 

Now we'd love to hear from you. What's bubbling up for you after hearing this vlog? Let us know in the comments section below!

 

10 Comments

  1. Paula Riczker on May 19, 2020 at 4:49 am

    Loved learning about “Fully human” and as a Parent and therapist I will remember the 4:2 ratio of strength-based approach to remediation! Loved this. Thank you for the knowledge sharing and humour!

  2. S.H. on May 19, 2020 at 5:00 am

    Thank you for sharing. One of my daughters (age 10) was diagnosed with anxiety 2 years back. This is on top of her TAG and giftedness identified at age 5/6 in grade 2. The most creative sweet girl and perfect at school with teachers and peers. However at home she is defiant, emotional and makes impulsive decisions that can be harmful to others. Recently identified with ODD, we have been learning so much and feel we finally have the instruction manual as parents. The doctor’s VOG was very informative and I liked when he said “be human”. Our daughter always said “I just want to be normal” Once we have been able to break thru the ODD and realize as parents we have to totally change how we approach, respond and provide skills as well as learn new skills, it has been very helpful. I have followed your site for a few years now and appreciate the wealth of information you give parents as we journey these unchartered waters.

    • Lauren Hutchinson on May 20, 2020 at 7:19 pm

      We’re so glad you found this clip helpful! It sounds like you are making strides in helping your daughter appreciate and love her “human” self which is is much richer than normal. We’re so glad to be on this journey of discovering humanity with you!
      -Lauren with the B&Q Team

  3. Tameka Linnell on May 19, 2020 at 5:30 am

    Thank you so much for sharing this video. This was so important for me to hear at this particular time as I’m working through issues with my 15 year old son who has ASD and ADHD. It’s not easy, but this really helps to put things into perspective. Now, if I could just find a therapist who accepts insurance!!! That’s a topic that I would love to learn more about.

    • Lauren Hutchinson on May 20, 2020 at 7:22 pm

      Tameka, check with your state and see if Telehealth is an option for you. This might open up some avenues of support. You can always backwards search for providers through your insurance company that should have a list of their paneled providers. From there you can interview to see if they are familiar with ADHD, ASD, and twice exceptional teens.
      -Lauren with the B&Q Team

  4. Noreen Albright on May 19, 2020 at 8:10 am

    It’s so individualized. Accept and change what you want to change or improve on it. I like how he said, Once he practiced being more extrovert he realized that it’s a big part of him too. Not to escape and avoid but keep learning, learn to be self aware and improve on what you want to and be more self aware. I loved the term fully human and I loved how he laughed. I always think it’s important to LISTEN TO THE GOOD others speak about you, these ARE YOUR STRENGTHS so own them. Listen to the good and love yourself and keep learning. I loved that he also mentioned “Video Game” because our kids are so visual. Life isn’t like, you’ve got there, you have arrived (it’s a journey of learning and that’s fine, learning and refine and redefining who you are and you can always be improving). Fully Human / Amen! We’re always learning. Forgive yourself too, and others. We will always make mistakes, we just need to own them and change and on occasion as for forgiveness and to do better. It has nothing to do with being right, it’s a journey of learning and improvement. Fully human.

    • Lauren Hutchinson on May 20, 2020 at 7:25 pm

      What beautiful insights you pulled from such a short clip! You made me want to go back again and give it a second more careful listening. Thank you for giving us the gift of your reflection!
      -Lauren with the B&Q Team

  5. Susi on May 19, 2020 at 11:15 am

    Oh the 4 to 2 ratio…
    I really need to contemplate that one not just with school but everyday life. When your child is acting out so behaviorally so much, it’s very hard. He struggles so much but it is so hard to break through and find ways to support him. What is he able to accomplish and what is he not? What do we accept now temporarily and can work on and what is just who he is…

    • Lauren Hutchinson on May 20, 2020 at 7:38 pm

      Agreed! Our kids internalize and form their identity with the words spoken to them over time. It’s so important to nurture the strengths and talents while gently shoring up the challenge areas, and give them the words regularly that can build that positive sense of self. I totally agree with the idea of having to meet them wherever they are and how hard that can be sometimes. My son is 18 now and I have seen some dark days of wondering if it would ever all come together. What worked for us was to stay strong and positive, and nurture his gifts above all!
      -Lauren with the B&Q Team

  6. Rose on May 20, 2020 at 3:42 am

    B’s gonna love this! He finds Maslow very interesting. Thanks for bringing out Maslow’s thoughts. Being fully human is so much more understandable than self-actualized…which seems a little self-obsessed, outside of your fellow man as though you don’t need them to arrive there. Fully human sounds like a part of the fold, enjoying ALL that means. As always,,so grateful for your example to the up and coming.

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